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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565721">More Than a Lifetime</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearandcrow/pseuds/bearandcrow'>bearandcrow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, MDZS, Mo Dao Zu Shi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Reincarnation AU, Songxiao Reverse Itty Bitty Bang 2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:14:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearandcrow/pseuds/bearandcrow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A Modern Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen Reincarnation AU<br/>Inspired by Jeanie Chibi's fanart</p>
<p>(Unedited)<br/>(Naming conventions blithely ignored)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sòng Lán | Sòng Zǐchēn/Xiǎo Xīngchén</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Songxiao Reverse Itty Bitty Bang 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>More Than a Lifetime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen dreamed. He had always dreamed.</p>
<p>But this one was... <em>The Dream</em>.</p>
<p>Darkness. Loneliness. Something drawing him to a place even darker, deep inside the earth. He always ran toward it. But was afraid of what he'd find there. He couldn't run and he couldn't stop--</p>
<p>He woke on a sobbing gulp, gasped for breath and leaped out of bed as if escaping the blanket before it could pull him back and trap him in the darkness.</p>
<p>He slept with a light on. Always. It only took the one to light up his loft apartment.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, let it out in a whuff.</p>
<p>He swiped a hand through his hair, brushed it out of his face.</p>
<p>He blinked at the clock, the soft grey glow read 3:31.</p>
<p>How long since he'd last had <em>the dream?</em> Years?</p>
<p>The new medications had been working for... three years now? Four?</p>
<p>He walked to the bedroom cabinet, opened a drawer and pulled out a notebook. He tracked <em>the dream</em>. If he had it too many times, he'd see the doctor again. <em>The dream</em> always messed with his sleep. If he couldn't sleep, he couldn't work, and if he couldn't work, he couldn't eat. So <em>the dream</em> had to go. Simple.</p>
<p>He wrote the date and time. 3:31, right? He glanced at the clock again. 3:42.</p>
<p><em>Shit.</em> He'd stood there staring at it for ten minutes? Eleven? Or did he mis-remember?</p>
<p>No chance he'd get more sleep now. After work, maybe. He put the notebook away.</p>
<p>He could kill some time playing video games before he had to get ready for work. He could use the mental distraction. After a shower.</p>
<p>He sighed, and headed for the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three in the morning, and Song Lan was making coffee. Decaffeinated, but still...</p>
<p>Keys jangled in the apartment door. Audrey had a girlfriend in her room, door closed. Only one other person had keys to their apartment.</p>
<p>The door opened, then closed with a soft thump.</p>
<p>"Hey! Should you be up this late on a school night?" Sean Young blended the question with a tease as he shut and locked the door.</p>
<p>"Cute," he muttered. "When did you get out?" At least Sean didn't bring the stink with him this time. Wherever he'd been, he'd cleaned up, so that was an improvement.</p>
<p>"Couple weeks ago."</p>
<p>He nodded, and finished pouring a cup of coffee. He slid it toward Sean. "Decaffeinated," he warned.</p>
<p>"Ah, good." Sean said.</p>
<p>He was still tired, couldn't think of much to say. He got another mug out. Sleep had been elusive again. It came and went in streaks.</p>
<p>"You didn't change the locks."</p>
<p>"Did you think I would?" That surprised him, though he had, in truth, thought about it. Mostly because he wasn't sure if Sean's keys were on him when the cops hauled him in. And drunken Sean couldn't remember.</p>
<p>"After you asked about the keys, I kind of did."</p>
<p>"Audrey found out they were logged in with your possessions."</p>
<p>"How'd she do that?"</p>
<p>"How's she do anything?"</p>
<p>"Point," Sean said, then asked, "So. Um... okay if I crash here?" Sean was good about asking, he just wasn't good about taking 'no' for an answer.</p>
<p>But he'd gotten used to the guy over the last couple of years so... "Did the keys work?"</p>
<p>"You know, a simple 'yes' would suffice."</p>
<p>"I was debating," he lied.</p>
<p>"Fuck you, Lan." Sean took his coffee. "Oh, reminds me, I found you something."</p>
<p>"'Fuck you, Lan,' reminds you of something? What? A condom?"</p>
<p>"Don't be a dick, asshole. Here." Sean clinked something onto the counter top.</p>
<p>"What's this?" He picked it up. A carved star. He smiled and turned it in his fingers.</p>
<p>"A star, stupid. Some kinda stone."</p>
<p>"What's it for?"</p>
<p>"I dunno. Shut up and drink your coffee."</p>
<p>He pocketed the star. "Is it hot?"</p>
<p>"Damn-near burnt my tongue." Sean walked into the living room and plunked down on the recliner.</p>
<p><em>Jerk.</em> "The star. Did you steal it?" He took his coffee and followed Sean. He sat on the far end of the couch.</p>
<p>"No." Sean's sullen tone supported the 'no' more than the answer. Sean didn't like shelling out money. For anything.</p>
<p>"Thanks. You been okay?"</p>
<p>"Good enough. Where's the remote?"</p>
<p>"Here," he said, and picked the remote off the end table. Sean clapped, and he tossed it over.</p>
<p>The tv noise wouldn't bother Audrey. Whatever girlfriend she'd brought home, well, that was their problem.</p>
<p>"How tired are you?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Not. Anything in particular?"</p>
<p>"Something you haven't seen before."</p>
<p>"Huh. Okay. How about the news?"</p>
<p>He groaned, and waved a hand dismissively. "You've got the remote."</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a few moments while Sean clicked through channels, finally settled on one. The tail-end of a commercial sounded, followed by the typical tone of a news announcer, prepping the day's local happenings.</p>
<p>He slouched down, put his feet on the shin-banger table, and rested his head against the couch. Next time, he'd be more specific with his request.</p>
<p>"This is the last month to see 'The Unknown Man' a traveling exhibit on display at the local science center--" a woman newscaster said.</p>
<p>"Is that the myster--?" he started to ask but the newscaster continued with her story rather than the expected address. He shut up.</p>
<p>"Often called the eighth wonder of the world, the Unknown Man is made of a material dating slightly older than the Xia Dynasty, and dubbed "Prexia Glass" due to its unique composition..." the newscaster continued.</p>
<p>Yeah, that was the one.</p>
<p>"...after seventeen years, scientists are still--"</p>
<p>"Fuuuuuck...." Sean said.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"It looks just like you!"</p>
<p>"What?" he asked.</p>
<p>"The eighth wonder of the world," Sean said, and laughed.</p>
<p>"Bullshit."</p>
<p>"Seriously! We're going to go. I'll prove it."</p>
<p>"I should've changed the locks," he grumbled, and picked up his coffee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tears marred Xingchen's view through the plexiglass barrier separating the science center's visitors from the Unknown Man.</p>
<p>Tears that welled up from a pit in his chest so deep and so wide that he felt he could be swallowed whole into it, swim around for a while and still never find the sides.</p>
<p>He ducked his head and shakily stepped away from the display. He didn't go far, just... behind the few people still looking at the display, so he could dry his face, and <em>get a grip.</em></p>
<p>He wondered if others had been moved to tears by that lonely man. Or, statue, rather. It hadn't actually been a human, not like mummies. But it had been carved to represent a specific man. The details were too obvious, too... stunningly exact. The model must have been a living, breathing, loving man.</p>
<p>He had to be a loving man.</p>
<p>Why else would the Unknown Man have been kneeling, with ancient robes neatly arranged, his head slightly bowed, carefully holding a strange little amulet-type pouch in his cupped hands?</p>
<p>He'd been meaning to come here for weeks, ever since he'd heard the exhibit would be so close to him. He'd been intrigued since the discovery had been announced, back when he was in grade school and the mysterious, unique statue and the few items found with it, had captured imaginations around the world.</p>
<p>He could still remember watching those early news reports on the tv. The camera following a beam of light in the darkness, to focus on a kneeling man. The camera had zoomed in, a closeup of a calm, sad face, that touched something deep inside his chest.</p>
<p>He'd mentally added himself to the list of people who were fascinated by the crazy level of uncertainty surrounding the Unknown Man. And like everyone else, he just wanted to see, in person, something that - by all reports - shouldn't even exist.</p>
<p>People moved away from the display, and quiet fell over the large room. Whispers swept through the science center from other areas, other displays.</p>
<p>He watched from a distance.</p>
<p>More people walked through, paused to marvel at the Unknown Man, and moved on to the next display down the hall.</p>
<p>His tears had dried, and not returned. He felt composed. Thought he'd leave, but instead, found himself walking back to the display. With no one else around, he had a little bit of time, to study the Unknown Man in a modicum of privacy.</p>
<p>He curled one hand inside the other, held both close to his chest. Maybe if he just really, really took his time and got his fill of looking, he could go home and forget it. Get it out of his system.</p>
<p>So he looked.</p>
<p>The Unknown Man had been carved from Prexia glass, a term coined when reporters grew tired of the lengthy "ashen-colored, opaque, and nonreflective" description of the unique material.</p>
<p>He didn't know what else it could be called, but he could see that 'glass' was only a close approximation.</p>
<p>Black veins trailed up the Unknown Man's neck and onto his jaw. Scientists had confirmed that those lines were intentional, not a byproduct of the material used.</p>
<p>His hair was long and black and appeared to have been grown from the skull, and that, too, was part of the mystery. The scientists were quick to defensively point out that this was just one of the many mysteries found among the thousands of artifacts from the ancient world.</p>
<p>Unlike every statue he'd ever seen, where the clothing was also carved from stone or clay, the Unknown Man was dressed in robes that appeared to be made of cloth.</p>
<p>But no cloth known could outlive time itself. And yet, the Unknown Man appeared to be dressed in double-layered black fabric robes that were the only clue to the styles of an unknown dynasty.</p>
<p>Two long rows of photos were mounted on the walls, peeks into hidden details. Closeups of fabric, underclothing, boots, and the delicate-looking pouch.</p>
<p>And more, there were photos of the Unknown Man naked. The statue was exquisitely detailed. A healthy, lean, muscular man, the Unknown Man's body bore scars, evidence that he'd been a warrior. Inexplicably, there were two frost patterns carved in his skin, one on his back, one over his heart.</p>
<p>He studied those photos. The handsome, masculine, beautiful lines and curves of his kneeling form, the strangely fascinating black lines that marked his body. He almost wished the Unknown Man had been displayed without the layers of clothing that hid the marvel beneath.</p>
<p>And finally, display plaques that showed the Unknown Man as he'd been discovered, so visitors could see that every fold of cloth in the display, every strand of long, thick hair, and even the way the pouch lay open with the ribbons loose, had been precisely recreated. They saw him now, the same as he'd been kneeling for thousands of years. </p>
<p>The pouch was perhaps the most mysterious of all. Why was the pouch empty? What had been in it? Why did it seem to have great significance to the man?</p>
<p>He looked again at the statue.</p>
<p>The Unknown Man was handsome, a bit ethereal, and perfectly preserved, like he'd just fallen asleep, holding the pouch.</p>
<p>A man who wore multiple layers of clothing that hid all but his hands and face, would probably be mortified to know he'd been fully exposed to the world.</p>
<p>He was certain that such a man would be upset.</p>
<p>Certain, too, that he was losing the tenuous hold on his fickle mind.</p>
<p>He should go.</p>
<p>But he remained, still studying. Still looking. Still transfixed.</p>
<p>The statue just looked so.... lifelike, in some weird way.</p>
<p>Like he could reach out, and stroke the cheek, and whisper a name, and those eyes would open.</p>
<p>
  <em>Zichen.</em>
</p>
<p>The name came as a small tickle of friendly surprise. That name had always been a part of his life. He'd named his first dog Zichen. His first car. Even... in those darkest moments when he was alone and the world was closing in, he'd talk to Zichen. As if he had his own personal guardian ghost that certainly never seemed to intervene, but for reasons only a psychoanalyst might explain, it seemed to help.</p>
<p>But why did that name jump into his head now?</p>
<p>He'd had <em>the dream</em> again last night, that made two in recent days. He hadn't gotten much sleep. A few more nights of the same, and he'd call and make that doctor appointment.</p>
<p>Sometimes, reality just seemed so... nebulous.</p>
<p>More people came in to look, and he stepped back, off to the side. Out of the way.</p>
<p>He should go home.</p>
<p>"See?" A man said, his voice pitched a bit overly-loud for the center, was maybe better suited to a sporting event. "Did I fucking lie?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"This is stupid," Song Lan said. He stopped walking, tightened his grip on Sean's arm and pulled Sean to a stop, too. Audrey took a couple steps beyond them, and then stopped, as well.</p>
<p>Some people walked around them, one muttered "Inconsiderate." They were stopped on the walkway into the science center.</p>
<p>He could sense the building ahead. The closer they got, the more he felt like he was walking into some kind of warped joke that Sean had cooked up.</p>
<p>He just couldn't quite figure Sean's angle this time. The guy always had one, no matter how sincere he was, or sounded, or pretended.</p>
<p>"Told you..." Audrey said, but that was meant for Sean, the mastermind behind whatever-this-was. Audrey was opinionated, pushy and bold, and she liked pranks, but even she thought this was a waste of time. "Soon as we see it, I'm gonna tell him the truth. Don't think I won't," she warned.</p>
<p>Audrey was the main reason he'd agreed to even come. So far, he'd never caught her lying to him when she'd agreed to tell him the truth. But she mostly didn't ever use his blindness against him and made sure no one else did, either. Anything else was fair game.</p>
<p>And there was one other reason he'd agreed... he really wanted to see (figuratively speaking) Sean actually shell out his own cash for their admission fees. Sean was cheap. The guy didn't have much money to begin with, working odd jobs and those mostly being under-the-table pay, so it was only reasonable, but still..., the guy was a mooch.</p>
<p>"Seriously, I'm not kidding this time--"</p>
<p>Audrey snorted.</p>
<p>"Okay, okay, okay yeah I know but seriously...." Sean paused, started again. (He was usually way better at persuasion than this). "C'mon, man. I already paid the fees, you said you'd come. You're not really going to back out, right? I can't get a refund."</p>
<p>He suspected that last part wasn't true, not if they didn't enter, and returned their tickets. But he didn't have them. Sean did.</p>
<p>And Sean was right. He had agreed. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, ready to capitulate.</p>
<p>But before he did, Sean added, (wheedled, more-like), "The Unknown Man has to be your ancestor! Look, I mean, come on." Sean actually grabbed his wrist and tugged. "Hell, it's not like it's even gonna take long, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay," he said. "Audrey, you're going to be honest about this, right?" He didn't need to ask, she'd already said. He just hadn't believed Sean would take it this far.</p>
<p>None of them were much into museums, so until they caught the story on the news that The Unknown Man Exhibit was in town for just a few more days, and Sean decided he looked like the great mysterious statue, they'd never even talked about it.</p>
<p>"Eh," Audrey said, but he knew her enough to know that was agreement. They'd been roommates for four years. She even put up with Sean.</p>
<p>"Finally!" Sean blew out a frustrated breath, and touched the back of his hand.</p>
<p>He took Sean's arm and they headed for the museum.</p>
<p>The Unknown Man had been discovered years ago, in a deep dark hole in the middle of nowhere, along with few dozen artifacts that dated thousands of years old. And it, along with a bunch of other stuff he couldn't touch to see, had come to town and had been on display for a few months. <em>"The Unknown Man Exhibit: View the world's eighth wonder before it travels to the next destination."</em></p>
<p>The news report had reminded them that the Unknown Man was perfectly preserved. A glimpse into China's history. Just, no one knew precisely <em>which</em> history. It was found among artifacts spanning a thousand years. But the weirdest part was that to date, no one was quite sure what the thing was even made of. Conspiracy theorists were intrigued, and alien-believers claimed it wasn't from earth.</p>
<p>And he was positive that somehow, Sean had come up with some game that was worth the price of three admission tickets. Sean. <em>Paying?</em></p>
<p>So... unlikely.</p>
<p>"Put on your tin foil hat," Audrey said, sounding cheerful, walking beside him. "We're about to enter..." she paused, "Uh... what was that place?"</p>
<p>"We just watched it, stupid!" Sean grumbled, muttered "door" and they went inside.</p>
<p>"Notice you're not saying the name, moron."</p>
<p>
  <em>The Twilight Zone.</em>
</p>
<p>They were now entering <em>The Twilight Zone.</em></p>
<p>They'd just watched it last week, but they'd binged a lot of old tv shows recently. He'd been losing another war to sleeplessness, and Audrey's current girlfriend had persuaded them to watch some black and white tv shows they'd never seen before. Narrator Sean had been well on his way to drunk the first few episodes, and had been completely blindsided (no pun intended...?) by the twists and turns in the episodes.</p>
<p>Which had actually made it quite entertaining and hopelessly confusing.</p>
<p>He'd been both exasperated and amused, but it helped him keep his mind off...</p>
<p>Whatever was bugging him. He still wasn't sure.</p>
<p>So they'd spent another night watching, when Sean was sober and Audrey joined them.</p>
<p>Still, he didn't bother saying, just let them hash it out in hushed tones while they paused to look at maps and wind through the place with a couple of stops while Audrey ooh'd or aww'd at something.</p>
<p>Sean was in man-on-a-mission mode, and wanted to go straight-away to the Unknown Man display.</p>
<p>He was starting to feel likewise. Like... <em>huh.</em></p>
<p>Like this might not be the big joke he thought it was.</p>
<p>Which meant, most likely, that Sean had just leveled up his game, and he'd just driven off the cartoon cliff.</p>
<p>"There it is, c'mon!" Sean said, and stopped a few steps later. "Whoa," Sean said.</p>
<p>"Fuuuuuuccck...." Audrey breathed.</p>
<p>"SEE?!" Sean said. "Did I fucking lie?!!!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Xingchen looked at the noisy speaker. A handsome guy, talking to a taller man holding a white cane. The type blind men use. A tiny woman was with them. She looked at the Unknown Man, then looked at the blind guy, and back, and back again. Any faster and he thought her head might start blurring. Her hair was already flying with her quick movements.</p>
<p>The noisy, short guy looked smug, and demanded, "Tell him!"</p>
<p>He walked a little closer.</p>
<p>"He wasn't..." the woman let out a stream of swear words. They seemed more habit than intent, and ended with, "...kidding." And then she looked from one to the other.</p>
<p>"Like, what? Cousins?" the blind guy asked.</p>
<p>"Wait, wait, this is even better. C'mere." The short guy latched onto the blind guy's wrist, tugged.</p>
<p>The blind guy was having nothing to do with that and yanked his arm free. He didn't have to say a word.</p>
<p>The short guy muttered, "Picky, so fucking picky."</p>
<p>Movement from one of the hallways caught his attention and he looked away. An elderly couple with two teenagers walked into the room, pausing at the first plaque of information.</p>
<p>He looked back at the trio.</p>
<p>The blind guy was standing in front of the display, facing his friends. The short guy nudged him to the side, and checked the alignment between the blind man and the Unknown Man.</p>
<p>"Stay!" the short guy ordered, and stepped back.</p>
<p>The blind guy opened his mouth to say something, closed it on a sigh and just scowled.</p>
<p>
  <em>Too cute.</em>
</p>
<p>Too--</p>
<p>He looked at the blind guy, the handsome, beautiful face. Eyes closed. A little bit--</p>
<p>He flicked his gaze to the left, to the Unknown Man.</p>
<p>And back, to the same face, only this one was living, breathing...</p>
<p>--ethereal.</p>
<p>Even with that faint scowl.</p>
<p>He's---</p>
<p>The Unknown Man was... this man.</p>
<p>He stared.</p>
<p>He took a step forward, reached a hand towards the living Unknown Man.</p>
<p>The blind man turned his face toward him, tilted his head, as if listening, hearing him. The man's eyes were open, seemed to be looking through him, with eyes so dark he couldn't see the pupils.</p>
<p>"It's a fake!" one of the teenagers yelled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone had come close, but... something was different. Song Lan couldn't discern what.</p>
<p>Most likely, he was in that person's way. And he had to look stupid, standing in front of the display and facing the wrong way. He almost said something, but <em>"What do you think? Do I look like the eighth wonder of the world?"</em> just wouldn't roll off his tongue.</p>
<p>"It's a fake!" a girl claimed. Woman? Tone accusing. "Oh my god, take a picture!"</p>
<p>"We're not supposed to take photos in here," another stranger said.</p>
<p>"What do you mean, a fake?" Audrey challenged. And he could hear her stomping away, toward the strangers.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Oh, hell...." Sean hissed, and "What the fuck is your problem!" as he stormed after Audrey. Knowing Sean, he was joining the fight, not ending it.</p>
<p>"Do NOT take a picture of him, he hasn't given you permission!" Audrey again, yelling.</p>
<p><em>Shit. Am I 'him'?</em> </p>
<p>He turned away from them. Just seemed like a good time NOT to get his photo taken.</p>
<p>That should help calm Audrey's complaints, and kick in a domino effect. She could then help calm Sean, and extricate them both.</p>
<p>Probability was higher that if he joined them, things would escalate. Sometimes, 'the better part of valor,' and all that... not that he was good in a fight. Not even a verbal one, which was why he usually just held his ground.</p>
<p>But this didn't seem to be one of those times.</p>
<p>He angled away from where he thought the other person had been standing (might still be, difficult to be sure), and used his cane to walk away from the half-argument, half-discussion.</p>
<p>He used his cane judiciously, half-worried he'd hit something breakable though he hoped that was not likely. But canes had a way of slipping under overhangs that he could walk into, so... he was just careful.</p>
<p>He heard the sound changes that identified an opening, and stepped into it. Deemed it one of the hallways, and stepped back where his friends voices came sharp and clear. He located a spot that seemed inconspicuous, held his cane close to him, out of the way of passersby, and waited.</p>
<p>They'd hash it out faster if he wasn't close by. Audrey could extricate them both; something Sean sucked at. But he'd been roommates with Sean long enough to know Sean--</p>
<p>"Zichen?" a soft voice almost whispered from nearby.</p>
<p>"Huh?" he asked, startled. He turned toward that voice. He didn't recognize the voice, but sometimes he didn't, even for people he knew.</p>
<p>"I-- I-- um..." The man stuttered, voice still soft.</p>
<p>He waited, gave the guy time. Some people stuttered under stress, right? And he really wanted to hear that voice again. There was something... something tickling a distant memory.</p>
<p>The growing racket from his roommates and the strangers was causing a commotion. If the guy said anything else, he missed it.</p>
<p>"Have we met?" he asked. <em>'Have we met?' Where the hell did that come from?</em> His usual response was, "Who are you?" and to hell with anyone thinking he was rude for asking.</p>
<p>"I... not really? But... seems like..."</p>
<p><em>We have,</em> he mentally finished.</p>
<p><em>Where did that come from?</em> He really didn't recognize the voice. But the guy called him 'Zichen'?</p>
<p>Maybe he'd heard wrong. He'd probably just run into some whack-job, while his contentious roommates were already preoccupied (not the first time).</p>
<p>"... maybe we have?" the guy said.</p>
<p><em>Where?</em> Games, maybe? Some forum somewhere? But... how would anyone know what he looked like? And why would they call him Zichen? But he still found himself agreeably nodding. "Seems like, but I can't place your voice. What's your name?"</p>
<p>"Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen. But I don't think we really..."</p>
<p>Two opposing thoughts skirmished in his head. He didn't know that name. He'd have remembered that name. But he knew this guy. He thought he might actually know him? Question mark. Big question mark.</p>
<p>"Did you... change your name?" he asked, the only rational answer he could think of.</p>
<p>"Um... no. I'm sorry. Do I remind you of someone?"</p>
<p>"No. Yes. I mean, no." He meant 'no', <em>right?</em></p>
<p>The guy chuckled. Soft, quiet, sweet.</p>
<p>His eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>"I'm not... I'm not laughing at you--"</p>
<p>"Sure you are." Why did he want to smile back?</p>
<p>"Well, more at... well, yeah. And how dumb I'm being. I... I'mnotusuallythisforwardbutcanwegetcoffee?"</p>
<p>"Yes." <em>Absolutely. Who the fuck ARE you? I want to know why--</em></p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"You... you understood that?"</p>
<p>He grinned, and said again, in his sudden, stunningly-limited vocabulary, "Yes."</p>
<p>"Most people can't understand me when I do that."</p>
<p>"So, why do you?"</p>
<p>"Um... usually it's the only way I get it out the first time. When I'm nervous. Then I... I'm committed to actually saying it?"</p>
<p><em>Committed</em> might be the key word in that sentence. But he could listen to that voice a lot more. A LOT more.</p>
<p>"Good enough," he said. The answer really hadn't mattered. He just wanted to hear the guy talk. "I'm Song Lan." He held a hand out. He almost never shook hands (blind perk, people) but he really wanted to get a feel for the guy. Literally. Figuratively.</p>
<p>Xingchen took his hand in a solid, warm, fine-boned grip. Skinny guy. They seemed of a similar size, but for weight.</p>
<p>"Nice to meet you, Zi-- So-- Song Lan."</p>
<p>"Hey!" Sean said, voice raised to carry across the room, "Lan, gotta go." Sean was approaching them, argument over, "We're getting booted out for disturbing the dust!"</p>
<p>He looked toward Sean, gave a nod, and turned back to Xingchen. "Can you... join us, I guess, for that coffee?"</p>
<p>"Um... sure, why not?" Xingchen's tone had become more certain, had lost that 'don't notice me' feel.</p>
<p>He grinned.</p>
<p>"Fuuuuuck me!" Sean said, coming up beside him. "You gay?"</p>
<p>"Sean!" he snapped. Asshole had the manners of a brick.</p>
<p>"Was that... um... an invitation?" Xingchen asked. He didn't sound too excited about it.</p>
<p>Sean laughed. "Not meant to be, I fuck girls, but he doesn't." Sean jabbed him in the arm.</p>
<p>He grit his teeth.</p>
<p>
  <em>Asshole.</em>
</p>
<p>But he really wanted to know the answer to that question. It'd save a lot of careful dancing around the subject before diving in, hoping he'd read the signs right.</p>
<p>"Is it that obvious?" Xingchen asked.</p>
<p>Audrey snorted. He hadn't even heard her join them. "Total heart-eyes," she said.</p>
<p><em>'Is it that obvious?' 'Heart-eyes.'</em> Yes. Yesyesyes.... <em>Keep it together, Song,</em> he chastised himself, but he felt like smiling. A lot.</p>
<p>"Huh," Xingchen said. "I'll... uh... work on that."</p>
<p>"No need," Sean said. "He's blind. You're gonna have to work on the sultry tones instead. So... what's the plan here? The guards are tapping their impatient feet."</p>
<p>Audrey laughed. "They are not. They don't even care anymore. C'mon, boys, there's gotta be a coffee shop nearby."</p>
<p>"How did you know?" Xingchen asked.</p>
<p>"What, you guys were already going?" Audrey asked. "Without us??"</p>
<p>"Audrey drinks coffee like most people drink water," he said, ignoring the put-upon hurt. Like he could ditch these two. Even if he tried... (well, he had tried a couple times when they'd really pissed him off. Didn't matter. Huge fail.)</p>
<p>"It's her default mode," Sean added.</p>
<p>"They exaggerate," Audrey said. "So hi, I'm Audrey, this is Sean, that's Song Lan - we call him by his full name so we don't tangle the Sean and Song thing, and who are you?"</p>
<p>Xingchen laughed.</p>
<p>Nice laugh. He wanted to hear more of it.</p>
<p>"Good to meet you. I'm Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen."</p>
<p>"Whoa. Long. What do they call you for short?" Sean asked.</p>
<p>"I don't have a nickname. Not really."</p>
<p>"What's that suppose to mean?" Sean pushed.</p>
<p>"Sean--" he warned again.</p>
<p>"It's okay," Xingchen said. "I wouldn't answer if I didn't want to. I'm not quite the pushover people think I am. It's... just a baby name, but my mama used to call me 'Star.'"</p>
<p>His whole being felt like he'd just gone numb.</p>
<p>Belatedly, he felt his cane slip from his lax grip.</p>
<p>He reached for it. Collided with a fine-boned, long-fingered hand. "Got it," Xingchen said, and both hands wrapped his, returned his cane into his hold.</p>
<p>"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sean said.</p>
<p>"I don't... understand?" Xingchen slowly released his hand.</p>
<p>"Come on!" Audrey said. "Chat more at coffee. I'm going to freakin' WILT!"</p>
<p>It was just as well, he couldn't have said anything more for a good couple of minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How was it possible? Xingchen had felt like a wreck, like he was on the verge of a psychotic break. He'd never actually had one, but he'd sometimes felt like he'd gotten way too close for comfort. And today had been shaping up to be that day.</p>
<p>But not now. Now, it felt like a part of the universe had been out of alignment and had suddenly fit into place the moment Song Lan gripped his arm and let him guide him.</p>
<p>But not because of what he was doing. Just... that Song Lan was there. The longer they talked, the calmer he felt. How strange. He hoped the feeling would last once they went their separate ways.</p>
<p>His heart skipped a frantic beat at the thought of separating.</p>
<p>He looked for a distraction.</p>
<p>Song Lan's friends walked ahead, arguing and chatting.</p>
<p>"Do they always argue like that?"</p>
<p>"Pretty much."</p>
<p>"Curb coming up!" Sean yelled back.</p>
<p>"Okay?" he asked.</p>
<p>"When we get to the curb, pause and let me know. I'll find it with my cane until you're more comfortable guiding me," Song Lan said.</p>
<p>"Oh?" He stopped.</p>
<p>Song Lan stopped.</p>
<p>He turned and looked at Song Lan. "You think I'll be doing this more? Because I'm pretty sure three blocks isn't gonna cut it."</p>
<p>Song Lan's face colored.</p>
<p>
  <em>So cute!</em>
</p>
<p>"Idlikethatanswertobeyes," he said, quick, before Song Lan could answer a negative.</p>
<p>Song Lan ducked his head, looked like he wanted to disappear of shyness for a moment, then nodded. "Yes," he said.</p>
<p>He let out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding. "Oh, good. Me, too. So... um... what am I suppose to do at a curb?" That blush had pushed every other thought out of his brain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first round of getting-to-know-you chatter had passed. Song Lan listened more than he talked. That was normal with them, but today, he really wanted to hear Xingchen's answers, both for content and just... sound.</p>
<p>They'd discovered they were all of similar ages, spanning no more than than three years. He was a few months older than Xingchen, and Sean was the youngest, Audrey landing firmly in the middle. </p>
<p>Audrey practically glommed onto Xingchen with a familiarity he'd never seen before, not toward her girlfriends, not with him. She'd been remote and politely kind when they'd first met, until he'd passed some unknown barrier, and then she'd warmed up.</p>
<p>Sean still had to pass her tests from time to time. Sean found it amusing, exasperating and sometimes fucking annoying. But he did the same to Audrey and somehow, they ended up close anyway.</p>
<p>"What if I was old?" Xingchen asked. One of the blind-questions. He hadn't asked many. "Say, I was forty?"</p>
<p>"He already knew you were cute and of dating-age," Audrey blurted.</p>
<p>"It was Sean's question, and what you two didn't say, isn't it," Xingchen said.</p>
<p>He grinned. He liked how easily Xingchen interacted with them, and he didn't seem so shy now.</p>
<p>"What would you have said if I was old?" Xingchen asked.</p>
<p>Both Audrey and Sean answered. "Hey, dad, whatcha doing?" "Lose your kids?" "Hey, Mister Sir."</p>
<p>"If Sean pretends to be polite," Audrey added, "it's a dead clue-in for Song Lan to run."</p>
<p>"Sean just winked," Xingchen said, and laughed. "What if--" But he stopped himself mid-sentence, switched it up. "So... Song Lan, do you... um... drop your cane often?"</p>
<p>He could feel the blush. Also felt certain that Xingchen had just deliberately changed the focus of the conversation.</p>
<p>"No, hell no," Audrey said, energetically taking the bait. "You just surprised him. You're his star!"</p>
<p>"Audrey--" he hissed.</p>
<p>"You'll fucking jinx it," Sean added.</p>
<p>"No, not this," Audrey said. "This here blind guy? He's got a fascination with the sky. Stars, in particular. He can tell you more than you ever want to know about them. You gotta practically gag him to shut him up once he gets going on 'em. Weird passion for a guy who can't see a damn one of 'em, isn't it."</p>
<p>"Not really," Xingchen said, sounding thoughtful.</p>
<p>"How so?" he asked, just curious.</p>
<p>"Well, I'm fascinated by a lot of things I've never seen. Like... ocean depths. Snow. I've never seen snow. There are dozens of words to describe it. How different can it be? How can they tell? I want to know."</p>
<p>He grinned, and the conversation veered for a bit.</p>
<p>"Star!" Audrey said, interrupting.</p>
<p>"Uh... really," Xingchen said, "I... I don't really answer to--"</p>
<p>"No, nonono, I get that. I mean... Song Lan, show him the star."</p>
<p>"Which one?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Which one? How many do you have?"</p>
<p>"The charm my cousin gave me, it's on my cane, and I haven't decided where to put this yet," he said. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out the stone carving that Sean had given him. "Why?"</p>
<p>"Wow, you are so dense," Sean muttered.</p>
<p>"May I see?" Xingchen asked, just a breath ahead of Xingchen taking his hand and holding it.</p>
<p>"Sure," he said, and tried to act like it was nothing unusual. Like he didn't want to grin like a love-sick pre-teen.</p>
<p>Xingchen kept one hand clasping his, and with the other, picked up the star. He was silent a moment, everyone was. "It's... um..."</p>
<p>Xingchen put the star back in his hand, patted him and pulled his hands away.</p>
<p>"What's that look?" Audrey asked, suspicious.</p>
<p>"Nothing, it's.... really a nice, um... carving."</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" he and Sean asked together, tones different. Sean sounded on the offense; he was worried.</p>
<p>"Nothing's wrong, nothing. I was just... surprised. I... uh... have a... a fondness for labradorite."</p>
<p>"For what?" Sean asked.</p>
<p>"The star," Xingchen said. "It's carved out of a gemstone called labradorite. It's um... my birthstone." Whatever had bothered him, seemed to have passed.</p>
<p>Sean let out a low-tone whistle, and Audrey laughed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Zichen.</em>
</p>
<p>He heard it as clearly as if Xingchen had just said it again, and he knew, <em>he knew,</em> Xingchen had not.</p>
<p>"What did you call me?" he asked. "In the science center. What name was that?"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry?" Xingchen said.</p>
<p>"You called me by a name. What was it?"</p>
<p>"Can he.. uh... break that star, hard as he's holding it?" Sean asked.</p>
<p>That redirected his attention to notice he was holding onto the star like he was going to superman it into a diamond. He loosened his grip.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I've..." Xingchen stammered.</p>
<p>"Well, it does seem kind of convenient. Like a con job." Audrey said. "You got some ID on you? So we can see when your birthday is?"</p>
<p>"Could be a snow job," Sean added.</p>
<p>The tones, the words, they all tilted on the axis and everything was going wrong.</p>
<p>"No. No," he said. He reached for Xingchen's hand, but heard the whisper as Xingchen jerked his hand away, and his fingers found only the table top. Reflex?</p>
<p>Audrey and Sean were dead silent.</p>
<p>"I'm... so- so- so-" Xingchen stammered. Xingchen's chair legs scraped the floor.</p>
<p>Xingchen was going to bolt.</p>
<p>"No, wait, please!" He stood, reached for Xingchen. Managed to snag a sleeve as the guy stood. His own chair clattered to the ground behind him.</p>
<p>"Don't go. Please?" he asked. "I'm sorry, just please... don't leave, yet, okay?"</p>
<p>God, why did he feel like his life was balancing on this one fucking moment of time when all he needed was a... a... "Name?"</p>
<p>Xingchen stopped pulling away, and their table was silent.</p>
<p>He was suddenly aware of the quiet in the coffee shop.</p>
<p>Xingchen patted his hand. "Okay. I'll... I can show you. Or... them, I guess," Xingchen finally said.</p>
<p>He could feel Xingchen moving, but not pulling away. He still didn't release his grip.</p>
<p>Sean righted his chair, tapped him, just to let him know.</p>
<p>"Here. It's um... just a name. I... don't know why I called you it."</p>
<p>"What." He struggled not to ground out the question yet again, to keep his voice calm. "Name?"</p>
<p>"Zi-- Zichen," Xingchen said, with another movement.</p>
<p>Confirmed. He'd heard right.</p>
<p>His heart pummeled his chest.</p>
<p>"What's this?" Audrey asked.</p>
<p>"It's um... just to show you that I'm telling you the truth. You can read the name in that picture, on my dog's tag. And um...I wear it. It's old."He was still holding Xingchen's arm, and Xingchen covered his hand with his own.</p>
<p>He felt stupid. But he was afraid Xingchen would run, even now. And... <em>and what?</em></p>
<p>"A dog collar bracelet? That's kinda freaky, I kinda like it. Yeah, this dog tag looks old, and it says 'Zichen.'" Audrey confirmed, and added, "Cute black and white dog in the picture, too. You look about, what, six here? Must be a new tag then, you're holding it for the camera to read."</p>
<p>"You called him by your dog's name?" Sean sounded like he was taking it like a personal insult. Which... <em>maybe...?</em></p>
<p>"NononononotlikethaticallicallicallZichen--"</p>
<p>"Whoa, whoawhoa, calm down," he said, in his best soothing tone. He got a better grip on Xingchen's arm, not restraining, just... holding, afraid the guy would run and he'd never see him again.</p>
<p>With his free hand, still holding the star, he hooked a finger under Xingchen's hand on his own. "Take this," he said.</p>
<p>Xingchen turned his hand, and he pressed the star into Xingchen's palm.</p>
<p>"This star, this... labradorite star has two connections to you, your nickname and your birthstone...."</p>
<p>"Yeah... noticed...," Xingchen said, taking the star.</p>
<p>"That name. Zichen.... Audrey? He'll think it's a snowjob from me. You tell him." He knew she would use ten words to his every one, would have a better chance at reading Xingchen's expressions, convincing him.</p>
<p>"That's his nickname. His little bro called him it. We use it sometimes when the Song's and Sean's start to blend. You know, 'Song Lan' and 'Sean, can'..."</p>
<p>"How is that... possible?" Xingchen whispered.</p>
<p>He could feel the guy trembling. "Sit, please sit."</p>
<p>Xingchen dropped back into his chair, and he lost his light hold on the man.</p>
<p>He hesitated, then also sat.</p>
<p>"Wait," Sean said. "Show him that star on your cane."</p>
<p>"Hm? What for?" A lot of cane users put charms on their canes, and his cousin had caught wind of it, and put the star on his.</p>
<p>"Your cousin gave it to you, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Well, when I first met you, I asked whose cane that was."</p>
<p>"Yeah." He remembered because who else in the room was blind?</p>
<p>"Well, I asked because I wondered why you were lying, because it wasn't your name on it."</p>
<p>"Huh?" There was a name?</p>
<p>"Just... hand over your cane to him, for a second."</p>
<p>He didn't 'just hand over' his cane to anyone, but this time, he did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Four thousand years earlier...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Song Lan, courtesy name Zichen, had murdered hundreds. Had spent the next thousand years atoning for his crimes.</p>
<p>Lives that are stolen away impact future generations. Untold lost births, entire families gone before they could begin. Numbers impossible to count.</p>
<p>He had long ago lost the will to continue, but for the one small pouch he still carried.</p>
<p>He had once carried two pouches, a broken spirit in each.</p>
<p>The young one's damage had been physical and her spirit resilient. She'd recovered within the first hundred years, and when she was ready, he'd set her spirit free, to reincarnate.</p>
<p>He had watched over her for lifetimes, a silent shadow of protection. Some lifetimes, she had known of him, befriended him. Others, she had not. He had grown too distant from the world as it changed, gone from fearsome to fear-inducing, so he kept to the shadows.</p>
<p>And saved lives, in his small ways, helping where he could. He didn't count the lives he saved, the ones he helped, not even the trapped souls he freed.</p>
<p>The scale that measured the lives he had saved, and lives he had taken, he could never balance.</p>
<p>He only wished to save one more.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>He entered the depths of the cavern.</p>
<p>Lifted the spirit pouch from its resting place against his chest. Healed. Strong and brilliant, the spirit was whole, and waking.</p>
<p>Was ready for the next lifetime.</p>
<p>Ready long before he could pass from this life.</p>
<p>He had once been human, before magic had changed him.</p>
<p>He didn't know how long he would take to die. A while longer, even yet. A thousand years had not been enough to destroy him. He would need to free his own spirit, but he would need time.</p>
<p>More than a lifetime, maybe more than two, there was no telling. No way to know.</p>
<p>In that time, the spirit that he carried could reincarnate into other lives.</p>
<p>He knelt, released the ties, and with fingers that trembled, he opened the pouch. He couldn't speak, had lost that ability so long ago that he could no longer recall the sensation. He used his magic, to form thoughts in the air.</p>
<p>
  <em>I bid you welcome upon your return.</em>
</p>
<p>The spirit swirled free, danced through the cavern's still air. Sparkling in the dark.</p>
<p>The spirit wouldn't remember. Wouldn't understand the burden he bore. But he selfishly needed to atone this one last thing.</p>
<p>
  <em>I am sorry. The fault was mine.</em>
</p>
<p>The sparkling essence coalesced around him. A feeling of warmth.</p>
<p>And then the sparkles faded. Gone.</p>
<p>Xiao Xingchen could reincarnate to the next life.</p>
<p>Song Lan bowed his head, and closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>But for the coffee shop noises and the quiet sounds of movement from Xingchen.</p>
<p>And then, Xingchen laughed, soft, gentle, happy. "It says 'Zichen.' Your star charm says 'Zichen.'"</p>
<p>Xingchen touched his hand. Firmly wrapped those long slender fingers around his own, and added, tone soft, voice breaking, "Zichen. I think I've been looking for you for a... very... very... long time."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by @JeanieChibi's art <a href="https://twitter.com/jeaniechibi/status/1305647854069972994?s=21">here</a> on twitter. </p>
<p>Sean Young = Xue Yang<br/>Audrey = A-Qing</p>
<p>(Will be updated with an edited version at a later date.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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